African Safari Adventure Guide for Losing Unwanted Acquaintances

You are hyped about your upcoming African safari, but you can't get over the fact that your stupid, irritating "friend" somehow secured a place with your group. Immediately you consider how entertaining it would be to dangle him over a waterhole from the raised walkways at Ulusaba in the Sabi Sabi Game Reserve, but chances are there will be witnesses and you will have to live in guilt for the rest of your life.
Don't worry, there are other ways that you can scare him from ever joining you on safari again. This result can be achieved using our handy "Safari Adventure Guide - For the Brave but Stupid". Best of all, it’s all yours for the low, low price of - free! All we ask in return is that you don't actually make somebody try the activities discussed - EVER.

Adventure checklist:

The midnight watering hole skinny dip:
Entice the target to partake in this activity by saying: "I've organised a midnight skinny dipping session with a whole lot of beautiful girls. They said the first one in gets a nice surprise." When the time comes, start taking off your socks in desperations and say: "I'm claiming that reward, sucker! See you inside. Then calmly watch as he vaults the safety barriers, hurtles toward the water and dives in. You can then either enjoy the screams from the privacy of your deck or watch him wrestle the crocodiles and hippos with those fancy new binoculars and a look of pure satisfaction.
Result: If he manages to escape with his life he will most certainly hate you forever but either way, he won’t be joining you on safari again.

Manly bets:
Nothing is more awesome than beating your friend at something -NOTHING! I bet you that I can steal a lion cub; I bet you that I can drink 20 beers and outrun a rhino; I bet you that I could take a photo of an elephant's belly or I bet you that I could run around the watering hole holding two steaks that I have just rubbed all over myself - are all excellent bets.
Result: Of course, only one person will actually be taking part so you will lose the bet. Your victory will be the silence and serenity for the rest of your safari as ‘Mr Stupid’ will be receiving medical attention far, far away from you.

Let’s make our own tour:
Invite the undesired acquaintance on an awesome unguided tour of the bush. Once he agrees, pack his backpack full of meat, remove his map and lead him out into the wilderness. Once he needs to relieve himself behind a tree, run.
Result: Having left markers on your route, and due to the fact that you are in possession of his map, you will make it back to camp. He should be out of your hair for quite some time, but if he gets back, it should be worth it seeing his fearful face as he attempts to outrun one of Africa’s big cats.


Jason Acar is a professional freelance African travel writer and writes on other various topics too. Plan your mala mala safari stay carefully by doing your research and talking to people who specialize in tailoring your family safaris to suit you.